Ramen and Eavesdropping
by MasterAverage
Summary: Teuchi has noticed something in his time working at Ichiraku Ramen... Everyone who eats there can't seem to realize he can overhear everything they're saying! He has to put up with a lot of drama, humor, and overall insanity to make it through the business day. One shots ranging in genre.
1. Chapter 1

**I wanted to do one shots and this was the most fun way I could conjure up. I'm not sure if something has been done similar to this so I apologize if it has. Obviously, I don't own Naruto.**

**Will range vastly in genre.**

* * *

Intro:

Teuchi always considered each and every one of the customers that came into Ichiraku Ramen to be a friend. He never wanted to be blatantly cheesy but he really w_as _in the food business to make friends and create smiles on his happy customers' faces. However, he didn't really plan on the shop becoming such a social joint when he had originally opened it.

Of course, before any of this happened he could always count on one customer to show up whether he was alone or with his sensei: Uzumaki Naruto.

Yes, that boy was something else. Teuchi always held a fondness for the blond ninja, even when he was playing pranks and messing around- before he even saved the village numerous times and gained everyone's respect. Maybe it was Naruto coming that made Ichiraku become more popular, or maybe it was the festive atmosphere. But Teuchi didn't care because he had the satisfaction of knowing nearly every citizen in Konoha had stopped by at least once in their lives.

And that was what led to his most recent troubles: it was as if Ichiraku was becoming _too _comfortable a place for people to come chat. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy the company… but… but…

Did they even _know _that he could hear _everything_ they were saying?!

* * *

**#1- Naruto and Sasuke's Unlikely Predicament**

**(humor)**

Today was just one of those days where there were one or two customers coming in, having a quick bite to eat, and then heading out. Teuchi was just minding his own business and cleaning up in the back when he heard two pairs of footsteps coming in. He turned around to see Naruto and that dark-haired kid- Sasuke he believed- taking seats at the counter.

"Hey, Mr. Ramen Man! How've 'ya been?"

Teuchi shook his head with a smile and walked over, leaning onto the counter, "Hey, Naruto. Haven't seen you since this morning. What are you two doing this lovely evening?"

"Me and Mr. Moody-pants over here just got back from a mission. It was weird though, we've been doing _a lot _of missions together."

Sasuke glared over and Naruto and crossed his arms. Teuchi still was wary of the Uchiha ever since he abandoned the village as a genin and was considered a rogue ninja. But Naruto seemed to be perfectly fine hanging around the dark-haired boy and they've been spending a lot of time together ever since Sasuke returned to the village.

"Naruto, you're such an idiot. It's obvious that the Hokage just thinks our skills work well together. It's not because she wants us to be all buddy-buddy."

Naruto rolled his eyes and waved him off, "Granny-Tsunade just knows I'm the only one able to put up with your PMSing." As Sasuke glared further at the blond ninja, Naruto turned his attention to Teuchi, "I'll have the regular. And this asshole over here will have the same. Thanks."

Teuchi nodded and chuckled to himself as he turned to start up the order. And since he was still close to them, he could here everything they were saying.

But for some odd reason no one ever seemed to realize that.

"So Sasuke, do you know why all the girls keep asking if we've taken 'that' step in our relationship?"

Teuchi almost choked on his own saliva when he heard Naruto utter those words. Did he even realize what he was implying?

"Hn. No, and to be honest I'm not even certain what they mean."

Naruto tapped his chin and Teuchi immediately turned back to making their bowls and ignoring the intense desire to inform the two teenagers exactly what that meant.

"Maybe they're asking if we're ready to be promoted to chuunin? I mean it's silly, really. We're practically kage-level! Just 'cause training and that stupid war interrupted us doesn't mean we should still be labeled as genin."

"As much as it pains me to say this, you're right. We shouldn't have to take the exams. We've more than proven we're at the level of any jounin. Higher even." Sasuke shut his eyes and rolled back his shoulders.

"That's probably what those girls meant. They kept asking if you make me sweat. I mean, of course you do! When we train I'm _always _sweating."

"Hn."

"Yeah, and one girl even asked if you were big. She's probably never even seen your Susanoo. It's enourmous!"

Sasuke smirked, "You told her that, right?"

Naruto eagerly nodded, and Teuchi tried not to cough loudly, or else he may lead them on to the truth.

"I told them you're the biggest thing since Itachi! I said that we last for hours, too. We've got super high stamina."

Sasuke seemed satisfied, and neither Naruto or the Uchiha seemed to realize that Teuchi was trying extremely hard not to look at them in the eyes and tell them that these girls were NOT referring to battle, yet sex. Was it that hard for these two idiots to understand? They battles god-like opponents, destroyed reincarnations of evil, and yet they were still uneducated concerning innuendos?

"Hn. Now that I think of it, one of those girls once asked if I unleashed your beast."

"What a silly question!" Naruto laughed heartily, "You've made me awaken the Kyuubi more times than I can count!"

"Yeah. And those girls always tell me that you probably make me feel really hot. I mean, I use my fire-style jutsu on you a lot in practice, but I'm still surprised they noticed."

By this point the ramen was done, but Teuchi wasn't sure whether or not he wanted to serve it to the two boys or throw it in their faces for being so dense. He took a deep breath and placed the two bowls before them, earning a thanks from Naruto and a 'hn' from Sasuke.

"Sakura's even started asking if you and me are banging."

Teuchi held his breath. There was no _way _anyone could misconstrue that.

"I told her of course we are! We bang our heads all the time on the training grounds!"

That was it, Teuchi couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Um, Naruto?"

"Yeah, old man?" Naruto used his chop sticks to get a large clump of noodles and shove it in his mouth.

"These ladies you're talking about... I don't think these phrases they're using are referring to training or fighting."

Sasuke and Naruto looked confused, both staring blankly at Teuchi as he gripped the counter tightly.

"What d'ya mean?" Naruto asked, sticking his bottom lip out.

"I mean," he awkwardly swallowed, "those women think you two are... interested sexually... in each other..."

There was a moment of complete silence before both Naruto and Sasuke whispered the same word.

"Shit..."

Suddenly, forgetting about his precious ramen, Naruto sprung up and bolted out of the shop, running down the streets.

"PRETTY LADIES OF KONOHA- I, UZUMAKI NARUTO, AM NOT GAY FOR SASUKE!"

* * *

**First one down!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Obviously don't own Naruto. **

**Sorry, this isn't a funny chapter... not really sure what genre though. **

* * *

**#2- Forgotten**

Teuchi noticed it even early on, back from when those nine kids were all just genin.

They would all come and go for some ramen and he observed them as they socialized. Somehow Teuchi just _knew_ that their class would accomplish amazing things. And oh boy was he right. But one of them always seemed so different than the rest... and Teuchi could never manage to remember his name.

That boy was always the one that faded away and was forgotten, only to be recognized when it was beneficial to the others. Teuchi noticed that when the once dubbed 'rookie nine' ever chatted, they never spoke of him. They went on and on about each other but never that one boy. Sure, when they spoke of battle he was included in the conversation here and there, but when it came to their social lives he seemed so distant from it all.

Teuchi was no genius, but he had a good idea of why people could recall the other eight of those teenagers.

People remembered Naruto because he was loud and amicable. He made friends with everyone, and despite being the former-idiot of their class, he had become by far the most praised shinobi in the village of their generation.

People remembered Sakura because she was that cutesy girl that could kick ass any time she wanted with no warning whatsoever. She was trained by Tsunade much like Naruto was trained by Jiraiya, and she was arguably one of the most talented medics in the village.

People remembered Sasuke because he was the prodigy, the dark survivor of the Uchiha and possessor of the sharingan. He made a name for himself and was remembered even after being a rogue ninja those few years.

People remembered Shikamaru for his brilliance and ability to think clearly in high-stress situations. His father, Shikaku, was a respected man and Shikamaru was surely following in his footsteps.

People remembered Choji because he was that kind and gentle one that cared for his friends... not to mention that his weight was quite noticeable and recognizable.

People remembered Ino because she was the socialite of the village and a girl that knew both the best way to arrange flowers as well as how to possess one's mind and ultimately destroy them... a diverse set of skills for one girl to wield.

People remembered Hinata because she stood up for Naruto when Pein had invaded, and because she had come so far after being told by her father she wouldn't.

People remembered Kiba because he always walked around with a dog the size of person and seemed to have such a strong bond with him. He was arrogant and loud, putting him in the spot light.

People always seemed to remember these eight faces and these eight names. They remembered these eight teenagers and all of their accomplishments. But someone was missing.

Teuchi noticed that boy come into Ichiraku every once and a while, more often than not while he was alone. He would sit down, ask for ramen, eat it, and then leave. He never talked and never socialized.

And for some reason, Teuchi just couldn't remember his name. He knew he was one of the old rookie nine, but he just couldn't place a name on him...

So when that boy in the glasses and hood showed up for ramen one night, Teuchi made a point to assess the boy and see what he was doing. As usual, he sat there and remained expressionless as he was served.

"Uh, hey... kid..."

The boy raised his head to look at Teuchi.

"What's your name again? I always seem to forget it." Teuchi stood as the boy raised a hand and adjusted his glasses.

With a calm and even voice, the boy said, "Does it really matter? Everyone seems to forget it, even my friends. But it doesn't matter... even if they don't see me, I'll still be watching over them. I refuse to be forgotten completely." All of this was spoken in a low yet soft voice, seemingly void of any emotion.

The boy stood up and turned away, walking out of the shop and into the streets of the dark night in Konoha.

"Shino..." Teuchi suddenly remembered. But it was too late, Shino had left and gone off somewhere and someplace.

His bowl of ramen was left on the counter, forgotten.

* * *

**Thanks 'Withered Pages' for catching my typo last chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Don't own Naruto. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

**#3-That Thing Called "Shipping"**

**(humor)**

Teuchi realized that, as of late, a lot of the talk around Konoha had shifted from battles and political views to something very different...

Relationships.

Everyone in Konoha, young and old, would argue about who belonged with who and why. Honestly, the notion really confused Teuchi. Why were these random people all arguing over who belonged with who? Shouldn't it be the people in the relationship who have the say?

It was always random girls and boys who sat at the shop and ate their ramen as they rambled on over who in the village belonged with who. At some points, Teuchi found himself breaking off fights that started with this cultish ritual of arguing over relationships.

He heard them call it shipping.

It was pretty bad, but it didn't bother Teuchi too much. In fact, it almost became a hobby of his to listen in on their conversations as he made their bowls of ramen; and eventually he started building his own opinions. But then one day everything went down hill with the 'shipping'.

There were five of them sitting and casually enjoying heaping bowls of ramen. Four of them were girls that looked to be around seventeen or eighteen and one boy that seemed to be the same age. Teuchi noticed by their clothes and overall persona that none of them were ninja, or at least if they ever were they probably hadn't graduated from the academy. So it didn't come to a surprise that these five random teenagers had nothing else better to do with their time than discuss the pairings in Konoha.

Teuchi rolled his eyes with a knowing smile when the subject was brought up. One of the girls just suddenly popped her head up and asked with curiosity, "Who do you think Shikamaru likes? Temari or Ino?"

The boy scoffed out loud, "Are you serious? Obviously he would like Ino. No one can be on the same team as a babe wearing what she does and not want to get on it."

"Ew! You're such a perv! Why don't you take into account that it makes more sense for Temari to be the one he likes. Don't you remember back when those boys went to get Uchiha Sasuke back? Didn't Temari rescue him?"

Teuchi saw another girl eagerly nod her head, "Yes, she did! It's obviously love!"

"Whatever, Ino is still hotter. Besides, they both have experienced the same kinds of deaths. They understand each other," the boy explained with a mouth full of ramen.

"Oh, so now the pervert is getting sappy!"

"Yeah," the second girl frowned, "Ino isn't even that pretty."

Suddenly a cruel voice hissed through clenched teeth in a menacing way from behind the girl. "What was that, bitch?"

Teuchi froze, wearing a shocked expression that mirrored the faces of the five teenagers in front of him.

The two girls that had been previously talking turned around slowly, fear the only thing visible in their eyes.

"I-Ino..." the one girl choked out.

And there she was. The blond Yamanaka girl was standing with her hands on her hips and a frown on her lips.

"You don't think I'm pretty? You think I would even take that as an insult coming from a girl with poop brown hair and last year's clothes? Puh-lease. Besides, why is everyone in this freakin' village always acting like me and Temari are willing to fight to the death over Shikamaru?! Newsflash: Shikamaru is a lazy ass who probably couldn't please a woman if he tried."

"I heard that!" A lazy voice called from two shops down.

Ino coughed and corrected herself, "A lazy ass with _good hearing_."

"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it Ino, I jus-"

"Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the ramen guy." Ino turned around and made sure to flip each of the five teenagers off before heading out.

The two girls shivered with fear and the other three weren't looking too much better themselves.

"What's her problem?" the one girl asked Teuchi.

"I'm not sure. You young ones are always confusing me these days," Teuchi sighed, getting back to his ramen and eavesdropping.

"Uh, I think maybe talking about Ino is off limits now," the boy awkwardly spoke up.

The others nodded in a agreement.

"That's fine. I've never been much of a shipper with her anyway. But you know who I _do _ship?"

"Who?" the girl with the 'poop brown hair', as Ino deemed it, asked eagerly.

Her blond companion grinned evilly, "Naruto and Hinata."

One of the girls, the one with the odd purple hat, made a barfing sound. "Ew! You think just because Hinata is always stalking him that she deserves him? What a joke."

"She stood up for him when Pein invaded and gave him a reason to fight! All of us may not be alive if it weren't for Naruto and Hinata's connection," the brunette argued.

"Yeah, but Sakura and Naruto were teammates from the start! And Naruto always loved her, it's obvious!" the girl with the hat snarled.

The boy chose this moment to interject, "But Naruto got over Sakura, isn't' it obvious? Besides, she loves Sasuke."

Teuchi took a deep breath and slowly moved closer to his ramen, fearing for his safety. The arguments over who Naruto would end up with always turned out to be the most violent.

"Idiot! Who would date someone that stalked them? Hinata never stops stalking Naruto!"

"Huh?" a scratchy voice sounded.

All five of the teenagers whipped their heads around to find Naruto standing there and scratching his head.

"Oh, hey Naruto! What brings you in today?" Teuchi grinned at his favorite customer.

Naruto threw his head back and laughed, "That's a dumb question! I came because I want ramen, of course!"

"Oh... uh..." one of the teenagers stammered.

"Yeah, I don't really know you," Naruto tapped his chin thoughtfully, "And I don't really know what you're talking about either. Hinata doesn't stalk me."

"T-That's right I don't!" a soft voice squeaked behind a nearby pillar.

Teuchi laughed out loud when Naruto jumped up in shock and turn around to find the source of the voice. But before anyone could see who it was, a flash of dark hair blew away behind the pillar and out of view.

"Uh, yeah..." Naruto frowned, "Now that I'm officially creeped out I'm just gonna make some instant ramen at home. See ya later!" Naruto took one last look in an attempt to see who was just behind the pillar and waved to the five random teenagers and Teuchi before running off.

The girl in the hat rolled her eyes, "See what I mean? She's a stalker!"

The brunette sighed, "If only he would realize just how much she loved him."

Teuchi smirked. He knew Naruto since he was just a little boy, and he could vouch for Naruto being a kid who was oblivious. Hinata even _told _Naruto and he was _still _airheaded about it.

"Ugh," the girl in the hat sighed, "It doesn't even matter. Let's talk about _Sasuke."_

"Ooh, yeah!" the boy agreed eagerly, "You all ship Sasuke and Sakura, right?"

"Wrong!" the girl dramatically threw her hands up, "If you aren't shipping him and Hinata then you're wrong."

Teuchi raised an eyebrow to himself and shook his head. _Did Hinata and Sasuke ever even talk to each other?_

"They haven't even had a conversation!" the boy exclaimed, voicing Teuchi's own thoughts.

"It doesn't matter if they've talked or not! Their personalities just make sense together!" the girl in the hat snapped, pushing him.

"Obviously Sasuke belongs with Sakura," the boy explained.

"Oh, really? Did you figure that out before or after he tried to kill her?"

"Ugh! You ignorant bitch!"

"Sasuke belongs with Hinata."

"Sasuke belongs with Sakura."

"Sasuke belongs with Hinata!"

"Sasuke belongs with Sakura!"

"SASUKE BELONGS WITH HINATA!"

"SASUKE BELONGS WITH SAKURA!"

"Wrong, actually," a sickeningly sweet and fake voice butted in. The five teenagers turned around once again to find that Sai had popped up behind them, "I once read a book about love and it said that it takes strong bonds and feelings of love and dedication to make someone 'belong' with someone else. It's pretty obvious that by these standards, Sasuke belongs with neither Sakura or Hinata."

The girl in the hat frowned, "And just who does he belong with then?"

Sai tilted his head with a confused expression, as if the answer should have been obvious.

"Why, Sasuke belongs with Naruto of course."

Teuchi couldn't help but snort out loud, and all six of the people in Ichiraku looked over at him with curiosity.

"I'm fine," Teuchi chuckled, trying to regain his breath, "Just continue your conversation." _Please._

Sai nodded, "Yes, continue please. I am sorry I intruded." And with that Sai walked away, leaving the five teenagers in shock again.

"Well _now _who do we talk about?"

"Ooh! I know!" The blonde clapped with excitement, "Let's talk about Neji!"

The boy waved her off easily with a motion of his hand, "Come on, let's be serious. There's no point in discussing ships when its _clear _that Neji should end up with Te-"

"DON'T EVEN FINISH THAT SENTENCE YOU IDIOT!" The blonde hissed.

"Why? It's pretty clear that Neji and Tenten are meant to be."

"What even supports that?" the blonde laughed coldly, "There's literally no chemistry between them and Tenten is the least relevant girl in this village. If she had to end up with anyone it should be with Lee because of him being the reason for her trying so hard and all."

"Alright, at first I thought you were wrong... but now I think you're _very wrong,_" the boy shook his head in disappointment.

In his mind, Teuchi was thinking about how wrong ALL of them were about their arguments.

"Um, no. If Tenten and Lee were to get together, then who do you ship with Neji?"

"Well I know I already ship Hinata with other people but she and Neji are perfect for each other!"

The girl in the hat shook her head violently, "Girl, you couldn't be more wrong. They're cousins! They can't be involved with each other!"

"Yeah, but it's okay in some cultures."

"We have our own culture you know."

"AND IN SOME PARTS OF IT IT'S OKAY!"

"But he's been more like an overprotective cousin type. If anything I think Neji seems to like the idea of Hinata and Naruto getting together."

"WHAT?! IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS NEJI A NARUHINA SHIPPER?!"

"IN THIS ONE BITCH!"

Soon, four of the five teenagers were in a screaming match between one another. Teuchi listened in as they screamed, gasped, and ranted at one another in a fit of fury. However, it did not go unnoticed by Teuchi that the one girl on the far seat was sitting quietly as her friends yelled at each other. In fact, Teuchi just realized that girl had not peeped a word during the five teens' entire visit. She had just been eating her ramen in silence.

Curious, Teuchi walked over and leaned on the counter in front of her, "So... why aren't you joining your friends over there?" He motioned to the four teens that were practically clawing at each other by this point.

The girl adjusted her glasses and looked up at Teuchi with a small and devious smirk, "Because if they knew my OTP they would flip out."

"And who's your OTP?" Teuchi asked, almost fearing her answer.

She grinned the most sinister of grins and pulled a notebook out of her bag. Opening it up slowly, Teuchi saw that the girl doodled two villagers of Konoha together kissing with a heart in between them. And Teuchi was quite shocked to see who those two villagers were.

"Your OTP is... is..."

The girl in the glasses nodded and closed her notebook, holding it close to her chest, "That's right. My OTP is Rock Lee and Gai Sensei."

The other four teenagers ceased their fighting and the once-loud screams fell dead silent.

...

"EW!" The four teenagers, and Teuchi, all collectively screeched.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I'm pretty sure everyone knows what shipping is by this point. If not, it's been pretty self-explanatory. **


End file.
